AOC Says She’s ‘Boycotting Salami’ To Punish Russia

AOC Says She’s ‘Boycotting Salami’ To Punish Russia

QUEENS, NY– Alexandria Ocasio Cortez is taking what she believes to be a major stand against Russia. On Wednesday she proclaimed she would be boycotting salami.

“I’ve got a message for Putin. My masked servants will NO LONGER be buying me salami. A Russian delicacy I used to love,” she said with a thousand-yard stare. “If me and my Insta followers all boycott this delicious meat, we can save Ukrainistak by noon!”

Then things got even worse for Russia.

“I’m also boycotting Oktoberfest this spring!” AOC screamed. “That outta do it. But if not? I’ll boycott everything Russia’s known for. I’m talking Schnitzel, aluminum foil, French fries, MySpace–everything! I bet a lot of Republicans assumed I wasn’t super smart about what fuels the Russian economy. Now, who’s the idiot?

Later, AOC was shocked to see Russia was still on Google Maps despite all she had done that day.

“Well played Putin, you sneaky bastard,” she whispered before pealing back some aluminum foil and biting into a salami sandwich. “He’s just trying to date me again.  Just like when he invaded Ukrainistak.”

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