ATLANTA, GA — If state lawmakers aren’t careful, they might soon drive away their local Antifa chapter. The leadership of the group has announced their intention to completely boycott any state that requires I.D.s for voting.
“We get one sniff of that uncivilized restriction, and we’ll pack up our stuff and leave,” an Antifa leader said before hitting an unsuspecting business owner in the head with a two-by-four. “I’m serious; we’ll take every piece of trash off the ground with us, too. The citizens won’t even know we were here!”
Upon hearing the threat, major corporations began caving all over the country.
“Dear Antifa, let’s not do anything rash,” Delta Airlines said in a statement. “Even though no Antifa members have ever flown on an airplane, you’ve done far more for us than our idiot customers ever have. We’re on your side. Please don’t go. We love you. PS: Please come by our HQ so we can talk this out. As always, please remember to bring your clearance badge, three forms of I.D., and your social security cards to get past security.”
But sadly for Delta, the love letter didn’t work, and all Atlanta-based Antifa members left the state of Georgia. Adding insult to injury, the violent group started their own airline company in North Carolina.
Antifa Airlines (with slogan “Flight or Fight”) got their first plane off the ground Monday but promptly crashed it straight into an Apple store.
Update: Apple thanked Antifa Airlines for the deadly wreckage, and the New York Times congratulated the young airline company for becoming first-in-flight in North Carolina.
Give Us Story Ideas
