Portland Homeless Threaten Strike If Dietary Needs Aren’t Met

Portland Homeless Threaten Strike If Dietary Needs Aren’t Met

The homeless of Portland, Oregon, have officially threatened city officials with a strike if their dietary needs aren’t met. In a strongly worded piece of cardboard to Mayor Ted Wheeler’s office, their demands were made clear:

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“We are SICK AND TIRED of being handed breakfast sandwiches PACKED with carbs and sodium. We WILL NO LONGER accept processed cheeses or anything with dairy, for that matter! And stop handing us Taco Bell. You think we want to feel bloated and gassy all day? We do not. We demand change. If our needs aren’t met, we will pack up, get regular jobs, find proper housing, and you’ll never see us again!”

A teary-eyed Wheeler spoke with the press shortly after the threat became public. “We can do better. This isn’t Portland,” he said, choking up. “If we do not quickly adjust to their needs—and I mean quickly—soon you’ll be driving around our beautiful city, and you won’t see dozens of homeless sprawled out on each intersection with tents”.

Update: The homeless have presented the city with an approved list of local farmers’ markets from which they will accept select food from. Also, a 44-point plan, which they believe is the path toward mending the damaged relationship between them and the citizens of Portland.

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