WASHINGTON, D.C. –Secretary of Transportation, Pete Buttigieg has placed a moratorium on viewing any of Pixar’s popular Cars films until the gas price surge is over.
“When President Biden asked me to be his Secretary of Transportation, I told him, ‘you had me at secretary’,” Buttigieg told MSNBC’s little-known Sunday show, Face The Gaytion. “Biden wanted a serious adult for this job and I impressed him with my vroom-vroom sounds.”
During the show, Buttigieg was asked about the soaring gas prices.
“I’m glad you brought that up. Right now, our cars are thirsty. They drink something called ‘gasoline’ or, what I call ‘dinosaur juice’. No one knows where this special juice comes from, but we’re running low. So, to be safe, I hereby ban all viewing of the Cars movies,” Buttigieg said.
The CDC is praising this precautionary move, calling it ‘prudent’ and ‘logical as [explicit].’
But the mandate has children and birthing persons everywhere furious.
“You’re a bad man! Move out of the way!” 6-year-old Mason yelled at Buttigieg blocking his TV.
“I’m sorry, little guy, this film is just too costly. If you like shows about transportation, how about My Little Pony?” Pete suggested.
Update: Mason threw a handful of Legos at Buttigieg and has been charged with a hate crime.
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