D.C — It’s been a rough few weeks for Washington’s walking bottle of Grey Goose. In what may have been a mistake, Nancy Pelosi demanded Pfizer make her booster shot ‘dirty, with two olives.’
The ex-Speaker of the House made the remark following the press congratulating her for losing every single House seat in the nation.
“Nancy, who cares if the stupid rube Americans don’t like you? —We love you!” a reporter screamed popping open champagne. “Now how are you going to celebrate your great accomplishment?”
“I’m going to get me one of those COVID boosters,” Pelosi said joyfully before getting very serious and stern. “But mine had better be dirty with two olives. And believe me, Pfizer had better not screw up my drink like those JACK OFFS AT APPLEBEE’S!” she screamed somehow believing the restaurant employees were within earshot.
This isn’t the first time Pelosi has threatened big pharma. As a teenager, it was an aggressive and hormonal Nancy who demanded the second “Johnson” be added to what’s now known as Johnson & Johnson.
“I was feeling saucy, and I simply told them two Johnsons were better than one,” documents show Nancy saying in the restraining order. “I never threatened them. I just explained how I know several Baltimore hitmen who owe the Pelosis a favor.”
Update: Because they fear getting too close to the beast, Pfizer has offered to mix her cocktail as she demands, but they insist on administering the vaccine via water balloon.
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