Mitch McConnell: ‘Americans No Longer Like Trump, Freedom, Sex’

Mitch McConnell: ‘Americans No Longer Like Trump, Freedom, Sex’

Say what you will about Mitch McConnell, but the man has his finger on the pulse of your average American.  On Tuesday, McConnell explained that Donald Trump is actually no longer popular because, “well, just turn on the news for goodness sake,” he said on the Senate floor.  “If my memory serves, Donald Trump never fought for us.  And when I say ‘us,’ I mean Washington politicians.  Also, he would always say rude things like, ‘we need a secure border’ and ‘get back in your shell, Mitch!’”  

He later opened up a large scroll and shared other things the American people no longer like.

“Barbeque, freedom, puppies, sex,” McConnell read with confidence.  “These things had their heyday, but they’re dead to us now.”

Democrats are oddly in agreement with Mitch, and several yelled out things to add to the list.

“Everyone hates their fathers too!” Elizabeth Warren yelled.

“Yeah!  And everyone also hates those videos where all the 6th graders stop a basketball game to help a special needs kid make a basket!” Dianne Feinstein shouted.  “I HATE those so much!”

Update:  Bill Clinton has formally left the Democrats after the party denounced sex.

Give Us Story Ideas

Real News Happening Now: