WASHINGTON, DC – Distinguished House Leader and monthly rent payer to Frank Luntz, Kevin McCarthy, has announced his opposition to initiating impeachment proceedings against fictional President Joe Biden.
“You guys, you don’t understand. If WE impeach Biden, then the Democrats might try to impeach the next GOP President. Can you imagine beginning a never-ending cycle of impeachment proceedings?” he said with a nervous laugh. “Unimaginable.”
McCarthy’s announcement comes amidst a cascading title wave of horrifying felonies Joe Biden has committed, and some factions of conservative circles are radically claiming that laws should be upheld.
“Some on my side of the aisle are showing me mountains of evidence that Joe Biden has committed crimes. But the left corner of the FBI’s FD-1023 document was a little smudgy. And the audio recording detailing the bribery was a little crackly. And some of the video evidence was not in 8k—only 4k,” McCarthy solemnly explained. “I would begin impeachment against Joe, but then let’s say Trump gets into office. The Dems might try to impeach Donald Trump!”
Much of the media agrees with McCarthy’s logic.
“Democrats did a masterful job of containing and limiting their accusations against the last Republican President, and now it’s time for the new House Leader to do the same,” Rachel Maddow said.
Update: Democrats have somehow impeached Kevin McCarthy for even entertaining dialog about impeaching a Democrat.
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