HACKETTSTOWN, NJ– As many in the candy universe expected, the large blue peanut M&M was an undercover FBI agent sent to expose the thought crimes of the lone Trump-supporting M&M, ‘Red’.
“After a thorough investigation, we’ve decided to terminate Red,” Mars’ CEO announced. “He wouldn’t get vaccinated and was always listening to Dan Bongino. But we decided to terminate him after he kept telling other M&M’s that Donald Trump won the 2020 election. He is making the orange M&M feel very scared about our democracy.”
Red is saying he doesn’t need the ‘idiot sheep M&M community,’ and he’s got plenty of housing options.
“I know a pack of Ivermectin in Florida that will take me in,” he yelled. “I would ask you libtards to help me with my suitcases–but you’d probably just stuff them with ballots!”
The green feminine M&M has been publically denouncing Red, but many have regularly noticed her gazing at him with longing eyes.
“Can you believe Red? He’s so confident and handsome and unafraid of what people think about him. Horrible.” she commented, watching Red pack his things. “I almost want to go to Florida with him to make sure he stays out of trouble.”
Update: In Red’s place, Mars corporation has introduced a new member of the M&M family. It is an old raisin to represent Joe Biden and his supporters.
Give Us Story Ideas
