Lightfoot Enters Solitary Confinement After Vowing To Only Talk To People Who Look Like Her

Lightfoot Enters Solitary Confinement After Vowing To Only Talk To People Who Look Like Her

Lori Lightfoot made inclusion such a major focus of her years in office; she has apparently grown tired of the idea.  On Wednesday, the Chicago mayor became so sick of inclusion she announced she would only socialize with people who look like her.

“For years everything was, ‘let’s be friendly to Mexicans and whites and Asians’ and I’ve just had had it up to here with inclusion!” Lightfoot yelled holding her hand above her head (reaching three feet high).  “Why do I have to put up with people who look different than me?  Everyone else looks kinda weird.”

Naturally, the mayor unwittingly imposed a strict solitary confinement order upon herself and is now trying to seek companionship.

“If you know of any human on Earth who looks anything like me, please contact the mayor’s office immediately,” a lonely Lightfoot said in a video.  “Do you know an adult whose head looks like a baby’s?  Please give me their phone number.  Do you know of a person whose eyes are fixed on the side of their head like a parrot?  I would be very interested in connecting with them.”

Update:  Lori Lightfoot has befriended Moe from The Simpsons.


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