Jerry Nadler Introduces Bill To Expand His Pants

Jerry Nadler Introduces Bill To Expand His Pants

As many Democrats look for ways to expand the Supreme Court, Jerry Nadler is wasting no time in his effort to expand his pants.

Standing in front of a large sign that read: “Widen NOW!” Nadler began a passionate speech that many believed was about increasing the number of Supreme Court justices.

“In these times, it’s clear, what we’re working with is just too small.  Can’t you tell?  I sure can!” he said to applause.  “And if we don’t act soon, things will get dangerous.  Don’t believe me?  Just ask Chris Christie!”

The liberal crowd was growing confused and someone finally asked, “What’s the number?  How big are we talking, Jerry?”

“Oh, heavens, 75 at least,” he said sending the crowd into delirious excitement. 

“Hell, maybe even 80 inches!  Who knows— Cinnabon just started home delivery, so my waist could easily get to 80 inches in circumference!”

The applause quickly stopped.  And just as his audience learned they had attended a political rally for increasing Jerry Nadler’s pant size, Nadler learned that he had badly soiled them. 

Update: In the spirit of compromise, House Republicans contacted Disney and purchased the fabric used for the mainsail of the Black Pearl to make Nadler some larger pants.  

“Here we go, Jerry,” Mitch McConnell said holding up the gift with nine other GOP Senators.  “80” x 22″ just as your bill proposed.”

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