HOLLYWOOD, CA–Many are claiming Universal Pictures has gone too far with its remake of their 1975 classic, Jaws. The 2023 film is called Jaws Tweets, and it’s just too frightening, they say.
In the new film, the shark does not attack any swimmers but rather fires off a series of mean tweets directed toward the citizens of Amity Island.
“We understand they tried to make a horror movie, but nasty 3 am tweets? That behavior is not normal and should not be normalized,” a guest film reviewer said on CNN. “He tweeted that Amity Island was a [explicit] hole. He called the fisherman trying to kill him ‘VERY UNFAIR!’ and I got up and left the theater after the shark called the coast guard a ‘third rate clown boat.'”
Many film reviewers are remarking that the shark from the original Jaws was far more civil towards the beachgoers of Amity Island. “Why couldn’t he just inflict death, carnage, and war on everyone like a normal preside–I mean predator?” said another critic.
Hollywood experts guaranteed Jaws Tweets would be a colossal flop at the box office with claims that everyday Americans wouldn’t like seeing the Amity Island establishment called out and challenged. However, on opening weekend, Jaws Tweets broke the all-time box office record with over 75 million tickets sold.
Update: The counting of ticket sales for Jaws Tweets has stopped, and it’s now been learned that One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest somehow owns the box office record.
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