SACRAMENTO, CA — Gavin Newsom has decided to relocate.
The California governor recently cut an ad explaining how he must move his family (and friends) to Florida to better understand the hellacious dystopia Ron DeSantis has created.
While hastily packing up a U-Haul, Newsom spoke to the media.
“This decision breaks my heart. It’s like going to war,” he said, holding a beachball and Disney World tickets. “California needs me now more than ever. These people only trust me to report the nightmare taking place over there. And I will report every night. Well, maybe not every night. They’ve got a lot of good restaurants open, ya know?”
In the ad Newsom referenced Florida’s decision to ban books in elementary schools.
“Wake up, Florida! Ron DeSantis has already banned classics like P Is For Penis, The Gay Gatsby, and Charlotte’s Webcam. What’s next? Soon, will P.E. teachers no longer be able to show proper stripping technique to first graders?” A furious Newsom asks.
He then calls on all Californians to “join the fight” against DeSantis but warns not to move to the Sunshine state.
“No, no, your work is best done in California. You have one hour of electricity per day, and you need to spend that hour calling Florida’s elected officials and demanding change,” Newsom said. “Plus, you’d all crowd the place up and.. ya know. Yuck.”
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