CAPE CAROL, FL— Florida Math teacher, Chester McGroomer spent the weekend in intensive care after withholding details of his sex life from all his students the previous week.
McGroomer, who teaches second-grade math, was forced by Governor Ron DeSantis to teach second-grade math. After the controversial ‘Don’t Say Gay Three Times In A Mirror, Or One’ll Get You’ bill, teachers like Chester are forced to do their job.
“He’s going to be fine,” the doctor said. “Thankfully, his claim of suffering permanent brain damage due to ‘lack of oxygen to his penis’ was exaggerated. He also kept screaming ‘None of the kids know who gerrymandered my caucus last week!’”
DeSantis, who saw the medical catastrophe on the news, fired the teacher after laughing hysterically for over twelve minutes.
Update: Before McGroomer was released from the hospital, he was asked to count backward from 50. Being a public school math teacher, he did so while only including three graphic details from his sex life. As a result, he was deemed totally healthy by the teachers union.
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