AUBURN, AL — Initially, it appeared a red 1998 Volkswagon Beetle had won the 2024 Miss Alabama beauty pageant. But after further inspection, it was learned the humongous thing on stage was an actual woman.
Those viewing the pageant on television were most confused when many of them believed a Godzilla movie had interrupted the broadcast.
“They announced the winner, and I heard cheering, but we had to wait for the cameras to zoom out and then zoom out a little more to see what won,” a viewer reported.
The winner, 23-year-old Sara Milliken, a plus-sized model, shrieked with joy and then walked to receive the 1st place bouquet. She reached the bouquet fourteen minutes later and gave a heartfelt series of huffs and pants into the microphone.
“I wanted to make a dent in Alabama’s understanding of health, and I feel I made a lot of dents tonight,” she eventually said before losing consciousness.
But it was not all good news for Sara. First, it was learned the fabric manufacturer was working around the clock to finish making the sash to wrap around the triumphant winner but wouldn’t finish until Labor Day. And secondly, her appearance in the Miss USA pageant is no longer a given after several contractors refused the bid to reinforce the stage.
UPDATE: The judges are now admitting their misunderstanding of the pageant’s rules.
“We thought it was whichever one looked most like Alabama,” a judge sheepishly said.
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