Don Jr.’s book tour will begin in none other than friendly Portland, Oregon. His new book, Spanking Antifa gives a how-to guide on approaching the lawless domestic terrorist group and smacking their butts in a humiliating fashion.
“I’ve never seen a book signing sell out this fast,” said the manager of the Barnes & Noble inside Lloyd Center. “These things usually get maybe 400 people. But the community wants to see Don Jr. so badly; we’ve had over 20,000 RSVPs. Plus the locals are encouraging him to bring his young kids because they’ll provide free babysitting for them. Just unheard-of levels of hospitality.”
The upcoming arrival of the President’s son has given Portland’s local economy a boost too. Guns, knives, kerosene, torches, and even hand grenades are up 300% since the announcement.
“I told my publisher, I’m a Trump–I want to be where the energy is,” Don Jr. said. “They told me that of all the cities in America, Portland wanted me most. So I said, let-er-rip!”
Update: The city of Portland was thrilled to announce that they are unwilling to offer a police presence for the book signing event. City officials have reminded all citizens not to do anything violent unless they forget.
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