On Sunday Nancy Pelosi and the Democrats virtue signaled so hard they almost brought down a nearby 747. Their latest signal that radiated forth was their new commitment to bringing back both manufacturing and womanufacturing jobs.
“As Democrats have shown, China and Mexico can have those stinky manufacturing jobs. But they can never take our womanufacturing jobs!” Pelosi yelled to a smattering of applause.
Womanufacturing, Pelosi explained, is an untapped, multi-trillion dollar industry for feminists and birthing-people of all shapes and sizes.
“Let me tell all you neanderthals how this works. Women get up in the morning, they post an Instagram picture of them doing the ‘We can do it!’ pose, and then they head over to the job… place. Where they begin to… facture things,” the Speaker said in an uneasy tone. They’ll be paid five times more than men. You know, because of equality. But here’s the best part—because they’re women, they’ll do the job in such a kind and gentle way.”
“What about 2,000-pound industrial sewage pipes?” Kevin McCarthy yelled.
“YOU SHUT THE HELL UP, OR THIS GAVEL WILL TAKE CARE OF YOUR SEWAGE PIPE, KEVIN!” Pelosi screamed as her aids held her back. “And besides, those sound totally gross and made up. No one would ever dream of facturing such ghastly things,” she said collecting herself.
After feeling a bit uneasy about this new proclamation, Pelosi did what any savvy politician would do. She doubled-down and drafted new legislation mandating 85% of all manufacturing jobs be converted to womanufacturing effective immediately.
Update: 85% of men just identified as women and they all had their jobs back by 9:45 am.