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Democrats Insist Talks of a Civil War Are Ridiculous, Sell Naming Rights to T-Mobile Just in Case

Democrats Insist Talks of a Civil War Are Ridiculous, Sell Naming Rights to T-Mobile Just in Case

As talks of impeaching Trump picks up steam, some of the right have warned that removing the duly elected President could lead to another Civil War.

“Ridiculous!” Chuck Schumer told The Glorious American. “Another Civil War? I mean, half the nation fighting a literal war with each other? Could you imagine the blood? The news coverage?” At this point, Schumer’s eyes glazed over and his words began to trail. “This would be the biggest event…ever.”

Seconds later the senator snapped back to life, quickly gathered his papers and sprinted out the back door.

Hours later T-Mobile issued a press release announcing their official sponsorship of the war and revealed an accompanying Super Bowl style logo.

As Schumer was seen leaving the Capitol, the press gathered to ask about the sponsorship.

“I’ll say what I said earlier. The idea of a Civil War II presented by T-Mobile is simply ridiculous,” Schumer said with a nervous laugh.

Fox’s Ed Henry yelled out, “So, it’s true? You sold the naming rights to the Civil War to…”

“That’s the Civil War II presented by T-Mobile!” Schumer interrupted. “Get it right! And what? Don’t be ridiculous, Ed!”

Update: Tostitos has been named the official chip of our nation’s second Civil War.