ATLANTA, GA – Delta Airlines is facing extreme blowback for recently transporting a Trump voter from Seattle to Buffalo in a safe and orderly manner. As activists and Democrat leaders call for boycotts, Delta’s CEO is expressing deep regret for his airline’s reckless actions:
“Delta Airlines is dedicated to offering safe and dependable service for customers who share the mainstream political views of major corporations. Recently, we failed to uphold those values. Last week, Steve Woodell, a registered Republican, booked a flight from Washington State to New York, and our airline unknowingly provided him with normal service. As CEO, I now know we should have done the right thing and crashed his plane directly into a mountain when we had the chance. A Trump supporter is now walking around Buffalo, and for that, I take full responsibility. Effective immediately, I am stepping down as CEO. I need to listen. I need to learn. Most importantly, if I ever return to Delta, it is my promise to work tirelessly with the US military to shoot down every single plane that comes into contact with a conservative.”
Shockingly, the bloodthirsty activist groups are not accepting the CEO’s apology.
“What kind of weak statement was that?!” yelled a purple-haired protester outside Delta headquarters. “Does he realize he trapped two-hundred passengers in a tube with an actual insurrectionist? Those pilots should have pointed the nose of that plane straight down. People could have been hurt!”
Update: To ensure safe and orderly flights, Delta Airlines has replaced all air marshals with Antifa leaders. Molotov cocktails will be flung about the cabin at the first sign of political dissent.
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