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Trump Works Hard To Grant Americans $1,000 Checks, Dems Working Harder To Tax Checks At 65%

Trump Works Hard To Grant Americans $1,000 Checks, Dems Working Harder To Tax Checks At 65%

Donald Trump wants to write checks to Americans struggling to get through the coronavirus crisis, but democrats claim that violates their strict policy of hoarding all the nation’s money for themselves. 

Within minutes of the stimulus announcement, House Democrats began hopping around the capital building like the monkeys in the Wizard of Oz with anticipation of levying another tax.

“Great news, Americans!  We’re excited to announce we’ve automatically enrolled you in a tax—I mean an investment with your stimulus check” Chuck Schumer explained on The Capital steps.  “The things we’re going to do with that money…Roads, bridges, teachers, firefighters—it’s gonna be SO worth it!”

Despite the media celebrating Schumer’s brilliance, many economists happened to notice that the federal government already has the stimulus funds.  They’re asking why they didn’t already do those great things.

“Uhhh, Because… Trump’s a racist?” Schumer nervously responded.  Luckily, all major media outlets promptly fact-checked that retort and it came back as ‘100% True!’.

Update: Trump has just tweeted: “Listen Chucky, you and your crew keep your mitts off these checks!”