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Long Gas Lines Give Jonah Goldberg Extra Time To Complain About Trump’s Mean Tweets

Long Gas Lines Give Jonah Goldberg Extra Time To Complain About Trump’s Mean Tweets

“A true blessing from our wonderfully legitimate President Biden.” 

That’s what never-Trumper, Jonah Goldberg called his 190-minute wait in line for gas on Tuesday.  While many were annoyed at the huge wait, the disgraced columnist used the extra time to fine-tune some criticisms of President Donald Trump.

The wait times have been so long, Goldberg, who authored Liberal Fascism when Obama was in office, had time to write another gem.  He finished his new book titled, How To Win The Approval Of Liberal Fascists.

“It’s really hard to believe, right?!” Goldberg yelled to the motorist next to him.

“Yeah—Biden sure destroyed this nation in hurry, huh?” they replied.

“Well, no,” a confused Golberg said.  “I was talking about Trump’s claim that Washington journalists are out of touch.”

Once at the tank, Golberg became even more confused when the tenant asked him for ‘all his money.’

“Oh my gosh.  That was so rude.  What are you?  Donald Trump’s Twitter feed?” he snapped.

As it turns out, it wasn’t a gas station employee at all.  Because of Biden’s policies, all of the employees were getting paid more to stay at home.  The person Jonah was speaking to was an illegal immigrant who was robbing him.

A gassless, moneyless Goldberg laid face-down on the cement, and for a moment, he wondered if he was happy.  He reached for his phone and refreshed Twitter to make sure Trump was still gone. 

“Thank goodness.  He’s still gone, allowing for true happiness to flourish within me,” Goldberg said shaking with rage.