SAN FRANCISCO, CA – It appears Donald Trump has gone too far again after reports surfaced that Paul Pelosi got pounded by his gay lover’s hammer. Paul’s boyfriend and popular bay area nudist, David DePape, also struck the speaker’s husband with a tool, reports confirm.
When police arrived on the scene, the two homosexuals were seen taking wild swings at one another with their respective hammers.
“It was like if Barry Bonds and Mark McGwire were fighting each other with bats,” an officer said. “Except the bats were hammers, the balls were their balls, and the fans watching were the eight frightened camels in the room.”
The police realized Donald Trump had been plotting the incident for months once they spotted a pillow in the Pelosi bedroom.
“Trump and Mike Lindell—I knew it!” the Soros-appointed DA was heard screaming before he relayed his findings to the press.
“I hope Trump is happy. The doctors are calling this the most erotic injury they’ve seen in years,” Paul whispered after recovering from surgery. “Where does Trump get off? No, seriously, I’m asking. Where? Anywhere seems safer than California.”
Update: Donald Trump has released the following statement denying his involvement in the incident:
“The fake news now says your favorite President was behind Pervert Paul’s gay hammer fight? NOT TRUE. Many of my beloved supporters use hammers every day. But they build big beautiful buildings with them. Not try to smack Nancy’s husband in the dick! I would normally wish Pervert Paul a speedy recovery, but no one wants to return to a home with ugly Nancy. So take all the time you need, Pervert Paul!”
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