New Albany, OH — Abercrombie & Fitch will no longer be showcasing Donald Trump’s upcoming modeling campaign, the clothing company announced Saturday. The cancellation comes as fears mount that the President isn’t a creepy, liberal, hack Democrat groomer—something that is considered mandatory in the fashion industry.
“He’s Hitler. And this time, we mean it,” CEO Dolph Fitch said. “And don’t start with the whole ‘cancel culture’ myth. We’re just choosing not to honor this contract simply because of public pressure, and we hope he disappears from society. All we want to do is cancel him from the culture.”
“It took me over an hour to get into those skinny jeans,” Trump said “The world needs to see this. Did you even see the picture of me in the tight-fitting trench coat? They would have had record sales. But that’s ok. We’ll see them in court.”
Naturally, Abercrombie & Fitch has turned to Joe Biden as a replacement for the Fall photoshoot. But the skinny jeans looked way too baggy on Joe, and he was unable to make the aloof and dreamy faces Trump could. The photographer did, however, capture over 400 pictures of Biden looking scared and confused.
Biden’s handlers thanked the folks at Abercrombie & Fitch for letting Joe keep the pants.
“Well, he had a series of accidents in them, so they’re his now,” a photographer said.
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