Amazon has canceled Jeff Bezos’ retirement party after their former CEO earned a pathetic 2-star review on his performance. Shortly after his tenure ended, over 200 million Amazon customers were sent the automatic email asking for feedback. Not only did Bezos get 2-stars, but many people also checked the boxes “He was a weird lizard guy” and “He once tried to sell my hometown to Mexico.”
“Good luck finding a new job with this kind of rating,” a user wrote in the comments. “I would never have him run the entire global economy ever again!”
Bezos is reportedly devastated. “People in my own city think I’m a repulsive low-life. And I live in Seattle! Do you have any idea how hard that is to pull off in Seattle?” he shouted to the heavens.
And the news somehow gets worse for the hairless oligarch. Joe Biden’s fiscal policy has taken root, and hyperinflation has reduced his net worth down to one 2015 Lincoln Navigator and eighty-two shares of GameStop.
Bezos is considering implementing the groundbreaking idea of creating an online store for booksellers to pull his life together.
Update: His friends burned all the books.