There wasn’t a dry eye in Detroit Friday night after LeBron James spent the game whacking the Piston players with a skateboard as a tribute to his fallen heroes in Kenosha.
Hours before tipoff, the NBA formally announced James would be allowed to wield the object as a weapon citing that, “All red-blooded American sports fans are grief-stricken for those child rapists.” And “Plus no one gives a crap about our league anymore. We’re still trying to figure out why that is.”
On the first possession of the game, James grabbed the skateboard and began charging towards Power Forward, Kelly Olynyk.
“I’m going to [explicit] kill you, mother [explicit]!” he screamed before a surprised Olynyk shoved LeBron out of his way.
James immediately cried foul.
“Ummmm. Hello? Ref? This cis white man just shoved a royal person of color to the ground? How about giving him life without parole and me some free throws?” James said to the referee.
After no help from the refs, the Chinese ambassador became furious.
“Oh, c’mon! Everyone takes a beating sometimes, man!” LeBron yelled. “Don’t you follow Wisconsin state law?!”
Update: For the sixth time in eight games, the Lakers were forced to forfeit as LeBron was feeling too oppressed to play.
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