Phoenix, AZ – Well, this is awkward.
It seems ‘missing’ WNBA player Brittney Griner was not being held in a Russian jail cell. Rather, she was playing center for the Phoenix Mercury all season. Due to record-setting disinterest in WNBA basketball, no one realized this until Tuesday.
Griner, who’s not that bright, unknowingly attended BG > KGB, an event to raise awareness for her Russian imprisonment.
“This is total bull sh–! I’m so furious at what may or may not be happening with the current thing!” Brittney yelled with her fist in the air. “Quick, someone tell me what Twitter emoji we’re using for BG > KGB!”
The WNBA, embarrassed by the mishap, tried to explain:
“Two months ago, we thought Brittney Griner left her coach a voicemail saying, ‘slender, enraged man got me, sounds Russian!” But we’ve now learned she really said, ‘Gender changed again, we need a discussion.’ Our players need better cell phones, but they can only afford Razor flips. Please watch our games.”
Related story– As Attendance Drops, WNBA Forced To Hire Snipers To Operate T-Shirt Cannon
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