LOS ANGELES, CA — Kyrie Irving has been saying some racist stuff lately, which is normally fine as long as it’s directed toward straight, white men. But racist remarks from the NBA all-star were about the Jews— the people who deserve special protection or you’re fired.
Thankfully, Irving’s bestie and notable high school graduate, LeBron James, was there to correct this injustice.
“I gave Kyrie the advice I always follow myself. I just shut up and dribble, irregardless of my political opinions,” James said. “I told him to save his Tweets for important things like doxing police officers and starting race wars. But not Jewish race wars. That would be wrong.”
LeBron also encouraged Kyrie Irving to get the nine COVID vaccine shots he missed.
“As someone who’s read the first three pages of Malcolm X’s autobiography, I understand Kyrie’s body belongs to other, more powerful men. ‘My body, my choice,’ is what our sponsorship deals say,” LeBron explained.
Update: Given the gravity of Irving’s posts, Nike has given their Chinese labor camp slaves three full seconds of work stoppage so that they could process the horror of the Tweets.
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