LOS ANGELES, CA — Colin Kaepernick just can’t catch a break. The esteemed civil rights leader was dealt another crippling blow this week when his private jet arrived with cloth interior.
Cloth.
Not Italian leather.
Despite our country spending a century striving to eradicate racism, this latest injustice has the nation starting from square one.
“Is this a private jet or a 2009 Honda Civic!?” Kaepernick screamed at the flight crew. “This is exactly the type of systemic racism my ancestors dealt with! At least they rode on horses, which is way closer to leather than this stupid plane!”
It’s been learned that the racist jet was sent from Disney. The Walt Disney Corporation, most famous for drawing the Siamese cats on Lady and the Tramp, that Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah thing, and The Alec Baldwin Show, now find themselves looking at several federal hate crimes.
“Asking Mr. Kaepernick’s magnificent tushy to be on anything but Italian leather is an atrocity unlike anything we’ve ever seen before,” Lawyer Mark Geragos yelled to the pilot as he came to pick up his client from the airport. “I don’t say this lightly, but this smacks of the horror Jussie Smollett lived through.”
“Let’s get out of here and take you to a more civilized jet. Toss me your bag, Kap,” Geragos instructed his client. Kaepernick threw the bag, but it flew several yards off-target and got stuck in a nearby chain-link fence.
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