Ten-year-old Ava Larson put in a solid day of Olympic training Wednesday after abruptly quitting a game of Monopoly to focus on her mental health.
Ava, who hopes to compete as a gymnast in the 2024 games, stormed off after her stupid brother took the top hat and then bought all the railroads. She spoke about her brave decision in the kitchen.
“I did what any great athlete would do,” she said, making some chocolate milk. “Coach teaches us when times are tough, prioritize our mental health by quitting immediately. I gave my whole family double middle-fingers and instructed them to kiss my [explicit]. To be honest, I wasn’t too thrilled with their inability to handle my constructive criticism. So no, I can’t see those idiots in the Olympics any time soon. Especially my dad. His reflexes were so slow when I chucked that snowglobe at him. He needs to work on that when he’s out of the ICU.”
The story of Ava’s courageous practice session went viral, and she was invited to appear on The View to help inspire Americans everywhere.
“As we all know, the Olympics are all about representing one’s self,” Ava said. Hey, wait a minute. Why are they even called ‘the Olympics?’ Why not ‘Ava-Fest 2024’?”
Her remarks dazzled the audience members, and ABC quickly made arrangements to have the Olympic community preemptively award Ava with several goal medals.
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