SAN DIEGO, CA – Don Lemon is acting inappropriately, and Ron Burgundy’s news team will not tolerate it. The four lead anchors of San Diego’s Channel 4 News are distancing themselves after Lemon remarked that all women should come with an expiration date like milk, ‘so society knows when to throw them out.’
“Son of a bee-sting, I’m offended!” Ron said when he heard Lemon’s statement. “If he were a man, I’d punch him. I’d punch him right in the mouth. Comparing them to old milk? Milk was a bad choice!”
Fellow Channel 4 News team members were also disappointed in Lemon.
“Don’t get me wrong, I love the ladies, but I’ve never believed they have a prime. There’s no age too old or too young,” Brian Fantana informed. “Sixty percent of the time, operating this way works every time.”
Awkwardly holding a banana, weatherman Brick Tamland shrugged and offered this brief but supportive statement to women everywhere: “All the ladies are nice and smarter than me. Except for Kamala Harris. She is what doctors call ‘mentally retarded’.”
Champ Kind, already furious that Lemon lost his prime-time show to work alongside two women, unsurprisingly came to Don’s defense.
“It is anchorMAN, not anchorLADY! And that is a Google fact! Look it up on Google!” he screamed.
Update: Sensing every woman in America was still feeling depressed by Lemon’s insult, Burgundy reassured them that they all had “absolutely breathtaking heinies.”
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