HOLLYWOOD, CA–“Jackass” is back. But this time, it’s rumored the gang may have gone too far.
“This fall you’ll see the boys do perhaps the most dangerous stunt of all,” teased Paramount Pictures in a statement. “That’s right. Buckle up, everyone. Johnny Knoxville and Steve-O will walk around in a Costco without a mask for 90 whole minutes!”
As expected, much of the media is going berserk.
“Why do the Jackass guys have to show our vulnerable youth such recklessness?” Anthony Fauci asked on CNN? “Completely exposing themselves to a 0.0012% chance of death? Why not bring back the classics like getting your genitalia bitten by a rattlesnake or getting your head crushed by a bull? But going maskless in a Costco? Do they have a death wish?”
The movie was set for a summer release, but Jackass fans will have to wait to see their risky behavior because much of the crew got Myocarditis from the safe vaccine and their hearts exploded.
Update: After extremely bad press, the film is being digitally remastered to show the men in masks. Paramount is now marketing the movie to thrill-seekers with the new tagline: “They’re not even double-masked!”
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