WASHINGTON, DC— As we all know, it’s been decided that fictional president Joe Biden will be forbidden from making any public appearance for the rest of his life. However, the White House will begrudgingly allow the old man to conduct his most cherished tradition. Stealing Bill Pullman’s famous speech from the 1996 film Independence Day.
“We know it’s going to be a bad look for us,” Susan Rice said. “But Joe looks forward to plagiarizing this speech every year so badly. We have to give him this one.”
In the hit film, the President, played by Bill Pullman, gives a rousing speech to his depleted military in an effort to defeat the invading aliens. Reportedly, Biden will plagiarize word-for-word, except swap out the aliens for the January 6th insurrectionists.
A transcript obtained by The Glorious American is as follows:
“WE WILL NOT GO QUIETLY INTO THE NIGHT against the guy with horns. WE WILL NOT VANISH WITHOUT A FIGHT against Rudy Giuliani. WE’RE GOING TO LIVE ON UNTIL I CALL A LID! WE’RE GOING TO SURVIVE unless climate change gets us first. TODAY WE CELEBRATE OUR INDEPENDENCE TRUNALIMUNUMAPRURE!”
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