MARTHA’S VINEYARD, MA– Whoa boy, did you catch Jen Psaki’s act at The Chortling Poodle last night? She had a rant about the recent crime spike that had the Massachusetts comedy attendees in stitches.
“Have you guys seen this Fox News channel? Anyone…see that? Ok, I see a few hands, “Psaki asked the swanky crowd. “The other day they mentioned that violent crime is up 631% and the families are scared” “I mean…so there’s a machete-wielding man on your porch. What–you want your wittle blankie? Did the scary man give you a widdle boo-boo with a handgun? I mean, c’mon people!”
A regular at The Chortling Poodle is none other than Barack Obama, who was seen doubled-over and howling with laughter. “IT’S TRUE! THESE SUBURBAN FAMILIES ARE ALWAYS LIKE, ‘WE DON’T WANT TO DIE–DO SOMETHING!” Obama screamed with tears streaming down his face. “AND THE COPS?! THEY’RE THE WORST! ALWAYS LIKE, ‘STOP PUTTING A TARGET ON MY BACK.’ IDIOTS!”
As Barack jolted around his table in hysteria, a glass accidentally fell and made a loud crashing sound.
Immediately, fourteen armed security guards created a perimeter around the former president. They drew their weapons and fired a warning shot through the stomach of a masked waiter.
Once it was learned there was no threat, Obama begged Psaki to continue.
Because of her resemblance to Carrot Top, Jen brought props. She held up a large poster board of a crying woman.
“She lost her whole family and vehicle during a mostly peaceful car-jacking–watcha want, your sippy cup?!” Psaki yelled to the erupting crowd.
This particular joke sent Barack Obama into hysteria. Shortly after flapping both his hands in the air for over a minute, he promptly wet his pants.
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