CAMBRIDGE, MA — Darryl Philbin, a warehouse manager in Scranton, has been hired by Elizabeth Warren to teach her the slang for black people The Glorious American has learned.
According to Warren’s staff, internal polling shows African Americans list only scuba diving and mayonnaise as more terrifying than the Massachusetts Senator. That needs to change, they say.
Darryl Philbin did not make himself available for comment, but he was heard yelling, “Remember to use those black man phrases I taught you!” to Warren as she walked on stage to speak to a predominantly black audience.
“Dinkin flicka my brothers and sistas’ of Boston!” Warren yelled. “When I get back to Washington, I’ll give the GOP more fluffy fingers than they can handle!”
While the crowd seemed confused throughout the speech, she did see the audience perk up as she concluded with a loud, “Will you help me defeat the MAGA Republicans? Pippity poppity, give me that zoppity!”
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