Millions of Twitter users found themselves homeless after the platform was kind enough to disconnect them from dangerous conservatives. Naturally, Twitter plugged everyone into Mitt Romney’s feed.
“This way, all our users can get a steady diet of state-approved content,” Twitter CEO, Jack Dorsey said. “Lately, Mitt has been a torchbearer for some pretty awesome ideas and values. Our new algorithm shows that people who liked to follow the bad Orange Man will probably adore what’s rattling around in Mitt’s head.”
In the last day alone, Romney’s Twitter following has gone from 12,000 followers to 1.2 billion. The Utah Senator is reportedly thrilled with his new, organic popularity and has sent out the following tweet:
“I’m seeing all the conservatives lose followers like crazy. And I’m gaining them like hotcakes! Gluten-free hotcakes, that is. I don’t want to be exclusionary and offensive like some people I know. I’m far too classy to mention who (I’m talking about Donald Trump). Looks like I was right all along about everything! The most powerful entities want you to hear from ME! What does that tell you? #Mitt2024”
Update: The aggressive and frantic campaign to deplatform all the conservatives has been successful. Everyone they don’t like has evaporated and will never be heard from again.