CHICAGO, IL – “I’ve made a huge mistake.”
Those were the five words teachers union president Randi Weingarten was heard muttering after a new report showed millions of frustrated parents retaliated against their school districts by adding an hour featuring Alex Jones to their homeschool curriculums.
“After they closed our schools, we had no choice but to raise an army of little Info War soldiers,” said Naperville, IL mother of four, Becky Hampton. “Us parents encourage the kids to take notes, and for snack time, we’ve replaced Goldfish crackers with the vitamin supplements Alex sells.”
But it’s not all been great, Becky informed. “After a few episodes, my kids started calling the mailman a ‘demon pedophile’ and blamed their dirty rooms on the globalists.”
Yet, for the most part, the hour of Jones has worked wonders in the Hampton home. Their pet frogs have ceased nearly all homosexual activity, and the children are now some of the loudest screamers on the block.
“Yes. Absolutely we would recommend bringing in a few hours of Alex Jones for your curriculum,” Becky reported. “Since my kids started getting a steady diet of Info Wars, their bad attitudes and poor grades are like that plane that hit the Pentagon—totally nonexistent.”
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