Despite the kids continuing to pile into cages and school unions overthrowing their administration, the Biden team did receive some good news this week. The media has graciously taken it upon themselves to not only apply for an 80-day extension for Biden’s first 100 days in office, but they’re also granting it.
“Phew, that was close,” a relieved Kamala Harris said of the quickly approaching 100-day mark. “It just snuck up on me—I was like, whoa! Stop it!”
Biden quickly apologized before Harris informed him she was not talking about him.
“As a woman of color, 100 days for me is more like 180 days,” Harris continued. “You see, unlike white people, I need to do a thirty-second nervous cackle after almost everything I say—ya know? [30-second cackle], and that eats up a lot of time.”
CNN’s Don Lemon, who arrived forty-five minutes late to his show, was sympathetic to this logic and added “I don’t care what Donald Trump says, time isn’t what it used to be! This administration has only had time to allow men into ladies’ restrooms. And sources close to the White House say they’re exhausted.”
Update: The media has informed Joe Biden that they will stop time altogether if need be.