MANHATTAN, NY– Elon Musk has officially purchased Twitter– after coastal elites specifically told him not to. The shocking news has MSNBC mega-star Joy Reid worried an unchecked Twitter could devolve to look like her old blog.
“Do you remember those hackers who made me write in my blog every night from 2003 to 2011? Ya know, Back In That Closet, Homo or, more commonly known as BITCH.com?” Reid asked the six people watching her show. “I just worry Elon’s Twitter might start to look like those posts. Man, I just pray the FBI finds those hacker guys!”
As the cement dries from Musk’s purchase, the media called the development a ‘danger to democracy.’ However, that claim rang hollow because it was the eleventh thing they called a ‘danger to democracy’ that afternoon.
Update: Alex Jones noticed Joy’s rage and has offered to shepherd her through her anger issues.
“@JoyAnnReid, come to Austin. I will help you. Bring a crossbow, some cayenne pepper, and an uncircumcised bobcat. We will get through this the old-fashioned way!” Jones thoughtfully tweeted.
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