Jordan Peterson Convinces Yelp To Make ‘It Was Pure Hell’ Option

Jordan Peterson Convinces Yelp To Make ‘It Was Pure Hell’ Option

TORONTO — Jordan Peterson, renowned psychologist and lobster enthusiast, has been pleading with for years to improve its business review options, and it appears that he has finally gotten his wish.

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“For years, I’ve told the folks at Yelp their buttons are NOT helpful,” Peterson said.  “They claim to want honest reviews, but it’s like… your system is chaos.  Life is a lot like the Arby’s on Hoskin Ave. —it WILL give you sub-one-star service.  Very often, in fact.  It’s pure torture, and we need to label it as such, or else what the hell are we even doing, ya know?”

Yelp was convinced, and an “It Was Pure Hell” button has been added.

Fittingly, it was Peterson himself who used the new option after another bad experience at the Arby’s on Hoskin Ave.

“You have the meats, I want them, and that’s that!  But when your whole staff abandons the building because you hear a bloody ice cream truck, I’m left alone.  Alone to ponder life’s darkest questions.  Who will get me my meats? What would my father’s father think?  Again, this whole restaurant is pure hell, and that’s EXACTLY how I’ll describe my experience, bucko!” 

Update:  After more protest from Peterson, Yelp reluctantly agreed to add an “It was BLOODY hell!” button.

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