MENLO PARK, CA — Despite the different spelling and meaning, the FBI has determined the words “Trader Joe’s” are just too problematic. Thus, bureau officials have asked Facebook to install disclaimer notifications under each Trader Joe’s sign. Just in case.
“My driver made a wrong turn, and I found myself among the peasants’ village,” a Mark Zuckerberg statement read. “Then I saw this horribly misguided post. Per the FBI, the post was lacking in context. I immediately knew it would be irresponsible for Facebook not to start a larger dialogue about this.”
After Trader Joe’s CEO disputed the existence of any controversial post, Facebook customer care informed him that it was the physical post planted in front of their stores that was the violation.
“All your posts were brazenly suggesting that our dear leader was a traitor, and that goes against our community standards,” said the Facebook agent. “Have you considered naming your stores ‘Trump’s a Traitor’?”
“What are you talking about?! We’re not making a political statement! It’s the name of our store—and regardless, these signs aren’t on your damn community!” the CEO screamed.
“It was recently determined that all of America is now included to be in our community. Thanks to President Biden, we now have full jurisdiction over everything both in and out of the Facebook platform. So, unfortunately, the disclaimers will remain,” informed the agent.
Update: The FBI has also asked Facebook to board up all Men’s Warehouse locations due to a rigid and dangerous assumption of one’s gender identity.
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