ATLANTA, GA – Hundreds of media members are demanding an apology from former President George Washington after assuming he made the white power hand gesture while posing for his famous portrait.
CNN’s Oliver Darcy finished drawing the bombshell rendering on Friday, and it immediately set off a panic.
“Well, this sure is rich,” Jake Tapper quipped. “Republicans run around making outrageous claims like freedom is good, and parents should provide for their children. All the while their ‘hero’ is flashing the white power sign. Now, I’m not one for drama, but when I saw this, I crawled into my bed and did the ugly cry for two hours.”
The network’s most prominent and highest-paid historian was rushed to the set to comment on the old black-and-white photo.
“Look, this might be the most totes cray cray thing I’ve seen today,” Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez explained. “A lot of people are focused on the hand gesture, but look at how white he is! Now that I think about it, there’s not any color anywhere in the picture. This is infuriating. Where is he? Where does he work?”
Shortly after AOC’s appearance on the network, liberals everywhere began a nationwide manhunt to find George Washington. Twitter and Facebook have partnered with the CIA to scour social media. “I will literally do anything to crush him,” Zuckerberg said. “He must be identified. I’d cross an icy river at midnight to get this guy.”
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