ATLANTA, GA – Because over 90% of the Democrat party now identifies as criminally insane, CNN will soon debut “Good Morning Antifa” in an effort to earn their viewership.
“CNN has always been a long-time supporter of Antifa,” President Chris Licht explained. “Even back when they called themselves the Ku K—err, when they were called something else. So we want to provide valuable programming that will air when they wake up. Which is around 1 pm.”
In an interesting twist, the show’s two hosts will remain anonymous, as they’re both wanted for a series of violent crimes. The hosts will take turns yelling a list of platitudes through their muffled ski masks, and on the set will be a cluster of burning books.
“I think we have a hit on our hands. They already act like CNN pros,” Wolf Blitzer told The Glorious American after watching a taping of the show. “They screamed that everyone on set was a racist and eventually cornered Jake Tapper to whip him with a sock filled with D batteries. Like I said, total pros.”
“Good Morning Antifa” was originally supposed to air in the winter, but the show suffered delays after the hosts kept grabbing the boom mics from the cameramen and repeatedly clubbed anyone in sight. Shark cages have been brought in, and much of the staff now produces the show from inside the cage.
UPDATE: It has been learned that the two hosts under the ski masks are Don Lemon and Jussie Smollett.
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