Apple Recommends Conservatives Buy Their Special ‘Cancel-Proof’ Computer

Apple Recommends Conservatives Buy Their Special ‘Cancel-Proof’ Computer

For conservatives who fear their online activity will get them banished from social media, Apple’s Tim Cook is reminding them of their special ‘cancel-proof’ model.

Aptly named ‘the 1984’, the Republican-friendly computer does not connect to the Internet and has no functional use whatsoever.

“It’s magnificent,” Glen Beck said.  “I type explosive things in there like ‘Soros eats horses’ and ‘those kids over at the Huff Po are just that.  Huff Pos!’ and nothing.  No mobs, no hysteria.  Heck, as long as no one puts these comments of mine on the internet, it’ll be more smooth sailing at the ol’ Beck house on 1203 E. Sparrow Ln in Dallas, Texas.”

Apple is looking forward to charging $16,000 for the 1984 computer because studies show conservatives have an unlimited supply of money.  Couple that with the company’s decision to reduce slave labor pay to ‘one shoelace’ per month, it’s predicted to be Apple’s most profitable unit.

Update:  Liberal mobs have become outraged by the number of controversial things the computer has hidden from them.  So outraged that it satisfied their outrage quota for the day and conservatives may have bought themselves more time.