WASHINGTON, D.C.— During her confirmation hearing, Judge Ketajilkjxfg Brown Jackson brilliantly side-stepped all criticism for not punishing child abusers by claiming she thought the convicted men were all ‘dog groomers.’
“Ms. Jackson, can you explain why you only gave a Tallahassee man five days of community service for conducting the grooming of over fifty-five children for unspeakable acts?” Ted Cruz asked her.
“Sir, let the record show that I thought he was a dog groomer. I’ve been over this. It was an innocent mistake! You’ve clearly done almost as little research on my record as I did with that Tallahassee dude,” she said while snapping in a z-formation.
Later, Senator Josh Hawley demanded to know why Judge Jackson only gave an international sex trafficker ‘a fist bump and a ride to Arby’s’ for abusing over seven thousand victims.
“Yeah, but I thought he was a dog groomer too!” she yelled in protest.
“You thought this man was running an international dog grooming business? Are you serious?” a disgusted Hawley asked.
“Dogs of all nationalities deserve to look fabulous, you racist!” Jackson screamed before bursting into tears.
Update: A confused Dr. Fauci entered the hearing room and awkwardly asked, “I was told we were molesting dogs in here or something?”
Both parties demanded he leave, and the gavel was thrown at him on his way out.
Give Us Story Ideas
