UVALDE, TX — Unhappy, wealthy, coastal liberals are waiting and waiting for sweeping gun control laws and the members of the Uvalde police department are furious with all the inaction.
“What on earth is taking them so long! This is outrageous!” Yelled the chief of police at congress. “We pay them to protect us and they’re just standing around? What, is the Capitol door locked or something? They should knock that sucker down, get in there and immediately get it done! Lives are at stake for goodness sake!”
Now, if Washington fails to act, the Uvalde police force is threatening to no longer protect the local citizens from danger.
“If they don’t act, you can say goodbye to the famous blanket of safety we cover our county with. How about that? Can you imagine?” the sheriff said while handing out traffic tickets.
Update: Dozens of Republicans rushed to the Capitol with a plan to bolster schools with proper security and armed guards but the Uvalde Police promptly arrested them.
Give Us Story Ideas