Touching: Democrats Throw Justice Breyer A Surprise ‘Guess What, Whitey? You’re Retiring Today!’ Party

Touching: Democrats Throw Justice Breyer A Surprise ‘Guess What, Whitey? You’re Retiring Today!’ Party

It was a touching moment as Justice Stephen Breyer was met with a classic ‘Guess What, Whitey? You’re Retiring Today!’ surprise party on Wednesday morning. 

“Surprise!” yelled a group of Democrats as Hunter Biden fired a pistol into the air. “Now clean out your desk right away!” Chuck Schumer yelled in a panic. “HURRY! Before the midterms, you old bag!” 

For months fringe, radical left-wing groups and the White House had been subtly suggesting Breyer retire, and it appears their respectful nudging paid off. 

“They spray-painted, ‘Retire now, bitch!’ across my car’s windshield!” Breyer yelled. 

This was one of many outbursts the Chief Justice made during his surprise party and many are attributing his bad attitude to the news that the White House arranged to strip him of his pension and healthcare. 

“Yes, those perks will end effective immediately,” Jen Psaki confirmed. “Justice Breyer was repeatedly asked to be a woman of color and his defiance was very telling. If he wanted to keep his benefits he should have thought about that before we demanded he retire.” 

Update: In an attempt to keep his job, Justice Breyer planned to tell the media he was coming out of the closet, but the White House decided to randomly out him as gay before he had the chance.


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