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Texas Bans Masks, Handwashing

Texas Bans Masks, Handwashing

Liberals everywhere are melting down after Texas Governor Greg Abbott issued a ban on all mask-wearing and handwashing in The Lone Star State.

The mandate came after many Texans became furious that Florida was overtaking them as the freest state.

“Ron DeSantis thinks he can make masks optional?  Last time I checked, this is America.  Masks should be forbidden!” Greg Abbott yelled while shooting a gun in the air.  “And while I’m at it, I hereby outlaw all handwashing too.”

To make sure Texas remains the freest state, cameras will be installed in all residential homes to ensure no handwashing of any kind occurs.

Florida, not wanting to be outdone, is now encouraging all strangers to engage in open-mouth kissing whenever possible.

Not understanding what was going on, Gavin Newsom tried to join the fun with this tweet: “And I’m banning pancakes!  Do I win?”

Texas ignored Newsom and immediately retaliated by banning the covering of one’s mouth when you cough.

By not washing their hands, Texans are adding valuable free time to their day.  Because of this, thousands of memes making fun of Joe Biden are being created.

Update: Gavin Newsom was caught eating pancakes shortly after his pancake-ban.