WASHINGTON, DC – The reaction from large, ugly women about the overturning of Roe Vs. Wade has caused the Supreme Court to issue a rare follow-up statement:
“While the Court understands our ruling will cause anger from some Americans, we hereby forbid enormous, disgusting, ugly women from throwing a fit. Numerous media outlets have shown footage of gigantic, hairy beasts howling at the air in rage. After such a historic ruling, we asked ourselves why each news network was airing bigfoot specials. But we soon learned what was happening. Giant, Shrek-like goblins are deceiving the public by suggesting they have options for sexual intercourse. In fact, they are suggesting that they have so much sex, our ruling will greatly hamper their love life. Hogwash from the hogs themselves, we declare! From this day forward, only girls who are sixes and up are legally allowed to voice an objection to our ruling.”
Immediately following the proclamation, near silence fell over the blue states. All that could be heard was the loud laugh of Justice Clarence Thomas echoing through the fruited plains.
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