FRESNO, CA — A pot from Bed Bath & Beyond was sentenced to eighteen months in federal prison for calling the kettle black, a judge announced on Wednesday. The heated exchange took place on the stove, but the pot’s lawyers argued that everything was heated on the stove.
When word that the kettle had been racially profiled in such a horrific way, Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton arrived on the next flight to represent him, both wearing oven mitts.
The pot’s lawyer claimed some of his client’s best friends were black. Also, the pot was going to commit to ‘listening’ and ‘learning’ from his mistake. But members of the jury weren’t buying it.
“That pot was cold and had an arrogant attitude,” a juror commented. “He was one of those non-stick pots, and it showed. We’re not sure, but he probably uses a MAGA hat as a lid.”
Naturally, in this politically charged climate, all kitchens and restaurants are being pressured to forbid the use of any pots.
Update: The pot will be allowed conjugal visits with pans.
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