Trump sure stepped in it this time. As each state approaches re-opening its economy, the president made the extreme decision to allow the governors to govern.
“Is he insane?!” Andrew Cuomo asked his local media. “Does this man have any idea what he’s saying? Trust me? To govern? I believe I speak for all New Yorkers when I say; this man has finally gone too far.”
Even the Dear Leader of Michigan, Governor Whitmer, was furious at the president’s suggestion. “Oh, so now we’re slaves?!” She yelled before dramatically punching an unassuming citizen in the face. “Trump isn’t a dictator—I AM! So when he says that I’m in charge–I’ve got news for him. I’m in charge…of… Of who tells me when I’m in charge. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to alert the public that I’m banning the internet! SAFTY FIRST!” she said throwing her head back cackling.
Upon hearing that Trump trusts him to lead the great state of Washington, Governor Jay Insley fell to his knees and began to openly weep —a sign of great masculine strength in the Pacific Northwest. Minutes later he collected himself and tried to lead. But sadly, all he could muster was adding another 60 days to the lockdown.