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Michigan’s Governor Whitmer Invades Canada

Michigan’s Governor Whitmer Invades Canada

As many expected, Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer has led her cabinet across Lake Huron via horseback and has invaded Canada.

After conquering Michigan with surprisingly little effort, the power-hungry governor became desperate for more peasants to lord over.

“Oh, so you’re taking us over, eh,” said a Canadian as Whitmer’s horse emerged from the water.   

“QUIET, SLAVE!” the governor screamed while firing a musket into the air.  “Effective immediately, buying seeds and gardening supplies are suspended!  But all abortion clinics will remain open.  I’m not the monster Fox News says I am.”

“So our days of going oot and aboot are likely over, eh?” another Canadian asked.

“Oh, there will be plenty of boots,” Whitmer said slowly circling the group of frightened citizens.  “I’ll be releasing a statement about where I’ll be putting my boot.  You will not like it.”

At first, the governor was irate to learn how large Canada was and, for a second, wondered if all the work to properly lord over this massive region was worth it.  But that feeling quickly passed as Whitmer let out a chilling Hillary-esque cackle and issued the following decree: “All Canadian geese will be retrofitted to become drones which will monitor every last one of you!”  

As the governor conquers Canada, she is reportedly uneasy about leaving the Michigan residents without appropriate supervision.  Therefore, she has arranged for every citizen to attend a statewide Zoom video conference at the top of each hour.  “Those who fail to log-in will be put to death,” she screamed to her Michigan slaves.  “But even those who do log-in properly shouldn’t feel too confident either.”